Realisation hit me hard like a football in the playground, I couldn’t carry this on any longer. It was affecting everything in my life and I just couldn’t stop. I would sit at work counting down the hours until we were together again until I heard the familiar sounds of what I craved. This was not something to take lightly and I was on the verge of being taken over by this feeling, the affair had to stop but I just didn’t know how.
It has been going on for about four years now and I know that my boyfriend knows, but I just can’t stop no matter how hard I try. I have tried everything from finding something else to occupy my mind to just completely taking myself out of the equation, but it isn’t long before my urges come back with the power of addiction.
My affair made me feel great, I learnt so much that I had never even thought about and it made me look at myself and how I handle things in life completely differently. I no longer cared about the small stuff like whether my legs were shaved or if I had gained a pound or two, instead I would indulge in what made me happy. The feeling is euphoric and that’s why it is so damn hard to give up, and I challenge anyone in my situation to not struggle like I do.
I got introduced to the euphoria by my then housemate, she absolutely sold the affair to me and I was hooked. At the time, I had just escaped a horrific home situation and I was completely lost so this was an amazing release, just what I needed. The problem was that my addiction became an issue with my friends, they noticed that I had become reclusive and emotional. They could see that this was not the right thing for me and that I needed time to heal before I could start anything like this. So that was it for us for three years, but then I started feeling better. I remember the moment when I remembered my old affair and reminiscing of how things could have been before I had to so abruptly leave. Yet things were different now, I could handle it and my emotions were now under control, it was time to return.
That night I did what I could to find them but it was an impossible feat. I think the thing that was more painful was seeing all of the posts on Facebook about what they were up to and all of the amazing things that were happening for them, I just couldn’t take it anymore. There had to be something that I could do so I started searching in places that I would never dream of going, the dark corners of the internet to find what I so desperately needed.
Euphoria spread over me like nothing I had ever experienced when I found them, it was time and I couldn’t contain myself any longer. I cracked out the wine I had been saving, put on my new nightwear and waited patiently.
Twenty minutes later we were face to face, luckily the wine had made me a little giddy and I was more ready than ever for what was about to come. Lying back I made myself comfortable and watched as the scene unravelled before me.
It was season nine of Grey’s Anatomy, I know what you are thinking, I am a massive disappointment and you wanted a real affair with juicy details. Well, let me tell you my friend this is very real and a huge problem.
When you look at TV series these days there is a completely different dynamic to what they were ten years ago. You get hooked and you become completely involved in their lives. I have found myself rooting for characters out loud when they are trying to achieve the impossible. The investment I have in them is so real that I cry when they cry, I laugh when they laugh and I celebrate when they achieve greatness.
Now, I am fully aware that some people will think I am crazy (my boyfriend included), but just take a minute and think about that series that you were obsessed with, that you couldn’t wait for the next episode. At the minute it is quite apparent that Game of Thrones is the world’s obsession even if I can’t get into it (I tried and ten minutes in I was as lost in that forest as they were, not cool), and you will all fill your social networks with anger when someone you love dies. We have become a generation of character lovers, we are going to feel every emotion you feel and it will affect our mood so much that we have to share this with the world, how crazy is that?
So when I started my relationship with Grey’s Anatomy I had to be quite literally dragged away due to the deep depression I had found myself in. I love that programme but due to it being set in a hospital there are many deaths of many people I loved that I felt I knew more than my own mother. It was devastating. Then when I was reading everyone else despair while season eleven aired I knew I had to return and find out what the chaos was.
That’s when life changed for a good few weeks. I would get up that little bit earlier for work so I could fit in an episode while applying my make-up (ridiculous idea when I cry at everything in that programme). I would drive home from work with excitement brewing in my stomach as I waited to find out what had happened to Yang, Grey or Shepherd.
This was an escape that I was happy to have, it is my summer break from university and seeing as we are saving for a house that means that a holiday is off the cards this year. Leaving me with nothing to do all summer than work more hours than an intern at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. So my boyfriend worked opposite shifts to me and I was left in the house yet again and I would find comfort in the turbulent relationship of Yang and Hunt, and the beautiful bond between Grey and McDreamy.
My affair is real, it takes over my life and my boyfriend is merely a distant memory until the explosive season finale is over. The age of Netflix is upon us and I blame them entirely for my new life of TMNT and Wonder Woman PJ’s, and the extra ten pounds I have gained in salted popcorn. You have to admit though for £5.99 a month it is quite possibly the best, cheap and non-judgemental affair that you could ever have.