I am not an Adult

Have you ever wondered about what you are supposed to be doing right now? Whether you are supposed to be in the job you will eventually retire in, or whether you should be shacked up with your husband/wife and two kids.

This is something I think about all of the time, why you ask? Because I am the epitome of a fake adult. Honestly, I think that I have managed to convince everyone that I am a fully-fledged, capable, responsible adult, but they are so wrong.

When I look at my friends who have kids I wonder how they do it. How do they deal with being responsible for not only themselves but children, a house, bills and partners? All I have to deal with is two rooms in a house and a car and to be quite honest only one out of the three is respectable enough to be seen by the public eye.

You see, I currently live with my boyfriend’s parents (I know, nearly 29 I still haven’t gained any responsibility). I get by with this by telling everyone that the economy is bad and ‘isn’t it so terrible for my generation who are always going to struggle to get onto the famous property ladder’. I should be thankful for the economic downfall as I at least have a viable excuse for my inability to get a mortgage.

The thing is, I have friends who have mortgages and they seem absolutely fine, but it still scares the living shit out of me. Who wants that kind of responsibility? I did actually move out when I was eighteen and was backwards and forwards until I was twenty-one and moved out permanently. That was until I decided to return five years later and after that the thought of having to deal with bills and all of the other crap that comes with being a grown up I have decided to stick my head in the sand (Always a smart plan).

In all honesty, I don’t feel like I have ever had responsibilities except for my job roles. When I first moved out I had the task of paying bills, but it just never felt real. I think to me it felt like I was playing house, which I am hoping everyone feels like when they make the first move out…right? After moving a few times with my then partner, I moved into a house share after we split and the responsibilities dwindled massively and I loved it. All I had to do was pay £300 to my landlady once a month and I was done, how amazing is that?

The thing is after living like that for over a year I liked having no responsibilities. Yeah, I had to help with general cleaning, but all I really had to do was look after my one room. So I didn’t want to do more and I still don’t. I do want to move out, desperately. I love living where I am and I couldn’t be happier that my boyfriend’s parents were kind enough to take me in after only eight months of dating their son, but everyone wants their own space his parents included.

Since moving here I pay my rent (which is ridiculously small by the way, how lucky am I!) and I help out with small bits of housekeeping, but all I have to really do is look after our living room (yes, we are that lucky!) and our bedroom. Sometimes even this is too much for me, not because it is hard work, but because I am ridiculously lazy. I haven’t always been this lazy and childlike.

I have always had a very clear view of what I want in life. I want to earn enough money to buy my own property, my own car and live comfortably, which I will do as a teacher (my lifelong dream job). Yet, as I have gotten older my thoughts change constantly and then the dreaded fear falls over me about everything that I would be responsible for and I want to curl up into a ball and call my mother.

I know one day I will have to grow up and be sensible with my money, look after more than just a room, but for now I am going to spend my money of clothes I don’t need, make-up I will never use and exercise equipment that will get taken to a charity shop when I see the reality of my pointless purchase.

So what I am trying to say is, if you are like me and have absolutely no idea what you are doing, where you are going or in fact who the hell you are, don’t worry. There are plenty of people who are the same and just because we are told that we should be somewhere at a certain age, you must remember that everyone is different for a reason and you will get to your goals when you are ready.

In the meantime, have fun and do what makes you happy, because what’s the point in all of this if we aren’t happy?


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